NO--I didn't misspell the title.
You see, for the past several months I've been using a CANE. I don't always have to use it in the house, but I do use it while out and about in public. After a few crazy falls, I'd rather walk with a cane than fall on the street. I am very aware of crowds, uneven walkways, steps, etc.. I am also getting old (not quite there yet, just turned 79). And, my back hurts a great deal of the time. The cane gives me the support I need to walk standing straight up and also helps alleviate some of the pain.
But today, I cried because of that silly walking stick. Only I'm not at all sure it was the cane that brought the tears. Will you keep reading if I have a small meltdown?
I went to our local nursery to purchase a couple of ferns and a few other potting plants. They didn't have the ferns I wanted so I picked up three sweet potato plants, some purple petunias, a white flowering something that trails, and a six-pack of red wave petunias.
A sweet little girl rang them up and put everything in one of those black plastic thingys they use to keep plants organized. Only the six-pack of petunias wouldn't fit, so she tried to hang them on the side. Then she smiled sweetly. "Can you get this?"
I should have said no. Really, I should have swallowed my pride and said no. However, I thought the fact that I had one hand full of a cane and had tried to fit my wallet under that arm so I could pick up the plants, should have been obvious. I guess it wasn't. I picked them up, but the six-pack slid off. A kind gentleman suggested the sweet girl help me. SOO--she took the six-pack of petunias and followed behind me while I tried to balance the black plastic thingy which now had enough empty space that the other plants were sliding around. THEN, I had to fumble to open the trunk, still holding the wobbly plastic carrier, my cane and my wallet tucked under my arm.
I did it. She called out a sweet, "have a good day", and I got in the car and cried. For the first time, I realized that the silly stick of wood was invisible, thus rendering me unable to handle myself alone in public.
It was such a silly thing to cry over. Yet, even as I write this, I'm teary. And the first opportunity I have to sit all my grands down at the same time, I will remind them just how far and for how long a little bit of courtesy will go.
Oh, Lord. Give me eyes to see, hands and feet that are swift to help, and a heart of compassion for others around me.
I feel your pain and understand exactly what you went through.....I too use a cane. And very recently I've graduated to a four wheeled walker. Most people are very kind and try to be helpful even if they don't know how. But now I have to think through every place I want to go....are there steps? Are there hand rails? Are the aisles wide enough to get the walker through? Will I have a CLOSE parking spot? Many times it's just easier to stay home. My husband has become my closest companion looking out for me all the time and driving me places. That's great but sometimes you just want to run out to the car and run to Walmart for a bit!!! It's not easy to get older. I'm 76 years old now and I try to think better things are coming instead of continuing to go downhill!! Love you, Julane, and am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThis experience made my think about those who have no one to help them. I've jokingly said I was going to mount one of those little squeezy horns that we used to put on our bicycles to use on my cane! Thank you so very much for your prayers. The older I get the more aware I am of how very needy I am in so many ways.
DeleteI have had many of these moments: trying to be independent, trying not to be a burden on others. On the other hand, I want to be safe and not worry my family and friends.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sally--you are one of the bravest people I know. I've witnessed your courage in so many ways. Please believe me, your are never a burden. Your presence is always a bit of sunshine!
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